


The Secret Life of Familiars

by residentdm



Series: And Now I'd Like to Take a Bow [3]
Category: Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types
Genre: AH YES, it's fine they're brilliant, looking at you Ted, nobody ever taught these people to name animals correctly, oh right these tags are supposed to mean something aren't they, oh well rules are for nerds, the main cast - Freeform, why are most of the familiars named after foods
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:41:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24860065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/residentdm/pseuds/residentdm
Summary: It starts with the pig.
Series: And Now I'd Like to Take a Bow [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1798657





	The Secret Life of Familiars

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all've read this one before, I think, but I'm posting this here so I can start organizing these chronologically. Y'know, assuming I write more...

It starts with the pig.

Banana perches on the ratfolk’s vehicle, minding his own business. Sir Peanut highly doubts that. Birds, in Sir Peanut’s humble opinion, only cause trouble; they peck at the plants, mess with the cart, and tear with their terrifying beaks and claws. Sir Peanut is sure that this creature—for it is a creature, after all, not just a _bird_ —is no different. And so, he watches.

It is because of his watching that he doesn’t see Banana’s true plan fall into place.

The human Joshuel exits the tavern. Thomas Jefferson—TJ, for short—is asleep, burrowed in the fabric of Joshuel’s jacket. Banana lets out a “Hello!” and the human, caught off guard, turns to greet the mystery caller.

He gets a face full of Crouton instead.

Crouton does not move an inch as Joshuel lets out an unholy screech, tumbling backwards. Sir Peanut turns, momentarily distracted, and, free from his gaze, Banana leaps down, swooping right up in Joshuel’s face and yanking TJ off of him. Joshuel tumbles to the ground as Banana perches on the roof of the tavern, holding the mouse.

“This convention is getting really wild,” says Joshuel as he stares at the skeleton horse. The skeleton horse stares back.

Joshuel has not yet noticed TJ’s absence.

TJ glares at Banana, already catching on to the bird’s plans. Unable to escape, however, he settles in, preparing for a quick landing.

Joshuel stands up, dusting himself off. Hesitantly, he reaches out a hand, and, hesitantly, Crouton nudges it. “That’s a...really good cosplay,” Joshuel says. “I like all the mirrors.”

If skeleton horses could roll their eyes, Crouton would. Well, if Crouton had eyes in the first place. Instead, she huffs, and waits. Moments later, Joshuel turns and begins to walk away. He pats his shoulder.

“Wait, TJ?”

Banana leaps down off the roof, letting out an unearthly screech as he drops the mouse in Crouton’s face. The warhorse, caught off guard, tumbles back—and runs right into Sir Peanut. The pig, still roped into the cart, tries to dodge out of the way—the whole cart goes with him, tumbling down into a tragic mess of plants and jewels. King amongst the mess is Soup, sitting proudly in a hoard of jewels, coins, and dirt. Banana spots the monstrosity, dazed but quickly pulling its wealth together, moving to burrow into the rubbage. The bird circles in the air, then dives down, claws out to grab the unsuspecting coinlet—

“Banana, what did you do?”

Ainsel’s voice cuts through the air. Banana pulls up at the last second and leaves the hissing coinlet behind, instead perching on Ainsel’s shoulder. The changeling stares at the familiar. Banana stares back.

“You okay, Joshuel?” Ainsel asks.

TJ scurries into Joshuel’s hands. The human stares at the mouse, then at the knocked-over cart, and then at Ainsel. “What do we do about…” he motions vaguely at the cart, “that?”

Banana waits. Ainsel sighs. “Let’s just let Terrance know.” Know about the cart, yes, but Banana knows that Ainsel won’t tell the ratfolk about his part in it.

He looks back. The disgruntled Sir Peanuts resigns himself to sitting down before the cart, waiting for his carer to set him free. Soup, by this point, has buried his hoard in the rubble. He scurries out into the open, carrying his singular coin—if not for Ainsel, Banana would leap right at him—and climbs up into Crouton’s ribcage. Crouton pays no mind, staring coolly at Banana.

Celestials are always so uptight.

So instead, Banana lets Ainsel carry him into the tavern. His schemes will have to continue another day.


End file.
